Boys keep journals not diaries and adhere to guidelines: 33 Bottles of Beer & the Official Preppy Handbook

Over the past year or so, it seems like you can’t wield a dead cat without hitting a group of people on some sort of themed pub crawl throughout the various neighborhoods of Denver. Not that I have a problem with that whatsoever, and I do indeed think that the right one is a helluva good time, I am just going to flip a lid if I see one more Snuggie-themed crawl. I get it. The Snuggie is a ludicrous invention and is our generation’s fruit cake when it comes to gift-giving. Joke’s over, everyone. Now a Sham-wow one, I could get into. To come down from my high horse for a second, I can get down with the idea of a pub crawl and am in fact planning my own to take place sometime early 2010. Would the 33 Bottles of Beer book be a good handout for said occasion? Hell yeah. Personally, I am not too adventurous when it comes to ale-imbibing and stick with what I already like, but a few of my guests may want to remember what they drank, what they liked and didn’t throughout the night. Say you wake up next to someone you don’t necessarily want to. Well, you may be able to pinpoint exactly when during the night beer goggles took effect.

Even though the 33 Bottles book isn’t my cup of tea, meaning I would use it to rank places’ temperatures of Bud Lights and how stiff their Vodka Sodas are, the crawl I am organizing  is that of a Yacht club/On the Boat Deck theme. If I wanted to go all out and bone up on exactly what it means to be a prep and really sell the part, adhering to the Preppy Handbook would be in my best interest. Sure, it was released in 1980, a year before I was born, but I can’t imagine much has changed in the past 28 or so years. If it has, I will pen a new version, or maybe just write a supplement for today’s unabashed-not-trying-too-hard young men and women.

Wards “Powr House” Boots may deter a person from ragging on your Barnyard Visitors Sweatshirt

Time off is among the best things about having a full time gig, that and office parties when things get a little…blue… These past four days out of the office were much needed and didn’t dig into my PTO, which I am saving for my jaunt to the heartland and Franklin, TN. The Whiskey Trail awaits. Anyway, not working Friday allowed me, for really the first time, to partake in the Black Friday madness. I passed out at my folks’ house Thanksgiving eve, so I hit a suburban locale Target for some deals. It was dead. Ghost town. Bizarre. Scored some good finds, though I should have been looking for others’ gifts. Next time. Now, Best Buy on the other hand, was a mess. I had to get out of there before I got stabby.

But back to the office parties, real quick. Mine has a holiday get together coming up in a few weeks, and, as I am prone to do, I plan on wearing something that people will notice, be it a bow tie, gaudy Christmas sweater, or perhaps just bringing along some mistletoe. I do have a shirt similar to that of Wards Barnyard Sweatshirt, but I have rendered it sleeveless, and therefore unacceptable attire for said event. You have to be pretty sure of yourself to don such apparel, I’ve come to find. Ripping the sleeves off of mine was a good start, though if I went with the sweatshirt, I would maybe need a pair of Powr House boots to counter the looks. “What is with that dude’s sweatshirt? I would like to give him a hard time, but I fear one of those boots meeting the side of my face. I will let him be.” That’s right, dude. Keep walking.

In the market: The Seventh Heart Cadet Jacket and Talent Tote

A week or so ago, I went to a fashion show/open bar pandemonium event at the Sugarcube in Denver. It was a good time, if you happened to be there before the festivities got into full swing, and when the bar was actually reachable and wasn’t inundated with scene kids letting their buddies cut in line. Thanks, d-bags. That’s real cool. Any way, I spent most of the night half-cocked and propped against a wall talking to some girl I hit it off with, although I cannot now recall her name. Since the Sugarcube isn’t fully constructed and only the top floors have been completed and are livable, the area we were in resembled that of a warehouse, with, what I came to find, some pretty flaky, dusty, stainy walls. It wasn’t until the next morning when I found my jacket on the ground did I notice that most of it was white from whatever I was leaning against. And it won’t come off. This puts me in the market for a new cadet-style jacket. And isn’t it so apropos that I came across the Seventh Heart’s version the very next day? Yes, it is.

Furthermore, I have been making an effort to consolidate my reusable shopping bags. I think over this past year and a half, I have acquired nearly 20 of them from various companies, whether they be giveaways at farmers’ markets, park events, print shops, grocery stores, promo deals, etc. Adhering to the less is more philosophy, and perhaps to the Mitch Hedberg joke, spending an extra few bucks on a nicer bag would maybe make me care about it a little more. Sure, one that says “STEAL” in big black letters might not be the optimal choice, but I do like being the center of attention. Granted this attention might be that of the crack grocery store detective and security team… Hey. C’est la vie, right?

An ode to the landlocked sea lover and 90s nostalic: The Wooden Mariner Box and Zack Morris Art

I got it in my head this year to get family and friends gifts they’d never expect. Be it that authentic prison art, a vintage baseball bat, a picture of Zack Morris’s shoes (yes, I found it), or some other item of complete nonsense that may actually border on thoughtful. Neigh, it is actually more thoughtful, as gifts of this caliber require actual thought, gauging the shock and awe on the faces of recipients. I know my father enjoys the golf accessories I usually pack into boxes and wrap up for him each year, but imagine the look when he opens the Wooden Mariner Box. “So, Dad, let me explain. Okay, I know you have shown no particular interest in sea travel, nor did you grow up on the coast, but come on! How cool is this thing? It’s got a compass, a telescope, scale, levels, sight vane, and clinometer for determining angles and slope. I know! A clinometer! You’ve always wanted that. Or at least you never knew you did until now. Now you’re going to wonder how you ever lived without it.”

And while I’ve been on somewhat of an art-kick these past few days, as well, I know a handful of kids that would appreciate a bit of 90s nostalgia on the walls of their place. Good conversation starter, really, and isn’t that just the gift that keeps on giving? That’s the good thing about a print, assuming the recipient hangs it up; Every time they see it, or someone asks about it, you’re obliged to say, “Oh my brother (or friend, depending on the situation), Will, got that for me last Christmas. You like it?” The natural response would be, “Are you kidding? Zack’s shoes immortalized on your wall? I’ve been looking for someone like you forever! That Will sounds like a swell guy!” Aww, thanks.

Living vicariously through Chicago friends: Ork Posters opens its doors for the holiday season.

As big of a cheerleader as I am for this great Mile High City, I’ve got to admit, I get jealous of my Chicago and NYC friends when it comes to pop up shops and one-time events that Denver seems to not been looked to as a hot spot for yet. Oh well. One of these days, Alice. To the moon! Sure, it’s easy enough to board a jetplane to one of these fair cities and partake in the festivities, but after the cost of a ticket and budgeting time off of work, the funds left to spend on the goods offered would be minimal. It would be so much easier to hope on the Brown line and head to the Ork Headquarters to pick up a few prints from Frank Chimero versus having to plan a weekend, carting myself to the airport, finding a place to stay, etc.

For the meantime, i will keep my ear to the ground and my fingers on the pulse of what’s going on around town. Though it would be something to see some authentic Starshaped Press works in person, whic would make great gifts for a few select friends that appreciate the one-of-a-kind nature of their craftsmanship. I do suppose, though, that in this day and age of constant-connectivity and actually having friends that would be willing to go, I could convince someone to go for me and, in turn, do my shopping with the promise of reimbursement. Anyone game? At least even just to go and check it out? Anyone? You? You? Your friend? She have a sister?