Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention?


I’ve just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. And I need all of you to stop what you’re doing and listen. Cannonball! Gratuitous theft aside, we all loved Anchorman. I even went so far as to assemble the whole Channel 4 Action News Team for Halloween (which included painting a cowboy hat white and shaving my head into male pattern baldness. CHAMP HERE!). The point, is that there is no single greater display of manliness than a tuft (or a mane!) of hair proudly displayed between the nose and upper lip. We can’t all be Tom Selleck (thanks for keeping all the ‘stache genes to yourself dad!), but there’s a solution. Is it this ski mask? Probably not, but that doesn’t stop it from being wicked awesome. Now you can be the coolest dude knocking over the White Hen (they’re pretty much out of business so I can get away with this), just don’t stop to sign TOO many “wicked ‘stache” autographs.

-Ben (@CobaltInfinity)


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