A Midsummer Night’s (Wet) Dream [Oberon Socks]

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So I got this awesome pair of socks from Oberon and I set about testing them. After extensively “testing” (wearing them to an investment banking firm) them on Friday, I was convinced they were the most perfect socks ever created. And then I rode the train home.

This is the email I sent to Chris at Oberon when I got home:

“I have, since I last emailed you, discovered a problem with these socks… They make my $150 Calvin Klein Thompson dress pants look like shit. I’m more excited about the cotton pair at home than any man should be about socks.”

Yeah, you read that right, these $15 socks make my Calvin Klein dress pants (I refuse to acknowledge “slacks” as a word) look like they were made by blind, adolescent, slave labor in some far off land I can’t pronounce the name of.

What fools these mortals be! All your questions about Shakespeare, triangles, and these amazing socks will be answered. After the jump.

Ben (@CobaltInfinity)

Right now you are quietly wondering how in the hell I’m going to relate these argyle socks to Shakespeare. Is it because the company’s name is Oberon? It does help, but no. Is it because they serve a very real chance of getting you access to Titania’s “glade”? Nope. Shakespeare’s play (I genuinely hope you figured out which one already) features three interconnecting themes and so do the socks from Oberon. Cost. Quality. Style. (Hitherto referred to as Ben’s Fashion Triangle; adapted from the Project Management Triangle) Unfortunately, the exorbitant sum of money I spent on school was wasted (I could LITERALLY be swimming in money) because you can have all three. As long as you want socks. From Oberon.

Cost: $15
Quality: 9/10
Style: Unparalleled in the world of socks
Being the guy with the awesome socks: Sorry Mastercard, these socks are too great to be subjected to that nonsense regardless of how true it is.

As you may have already figured out, my love for accessories is paralleled only by my complete and utter disdain for what passes for fashion or style in today’s society. The economy sucks, I get it. Just because I have a lot of stuff does not mean I paid a lot for it (shh, don’t bring up the watches). The real problem is laziness.

Do you have to wear a polo to work? No. Is it encouraged? Maybe. Is it comfortable? As I recently discovered, yes, yes it is. Sometimes you have to be willing to make compromises, but looking good is NOT something you should compromise on. Ever.

Can you wear white athletic socks to work? Yes. Should you? No. In my mind this is equivalent to clubbing a baby seal to death while forcing an entire class of kindergartners to watch. Ok, that may be a tad strong, but you get the idea. “But I don’t wear white socks I wear black or brown socks!” Borrrring. Before now you have had other options: checkered, striped, accented, et al. but they may have tightly walked the “acceptable for work” line. What choice do you have? Getting a new job in this economy would be absurd. So what we need to find is a pair of socks that are stylish, affordable, and comfortable. I did.

Oberon socks currently come in two (check the end for a preview of two more) equally awesome flavors, Black Argyle (Wool) and Blue Argyle (Cotton). Black Argyle is 80% Acrylic, 15% Wool, 5% Spandex and the argyle pattern is black and navy checks over a gray sock with stitching accents. Blue Argyle is 80% Cotton, 15% Nylon, 5% Spandex and the argyle pattern is black and light gray/white checks over a blue sock with stitching accents.

At first glance, they look like standard, run-of-the-mill CEO-approved argyle socks available in cotton or wool. The socks actually stay up on your calf, but are just as comfortable if you like them pushed down. Also, they don’t suffer from the normal argyle problem where all the checks are stitched together and it is impossible not to get your toes caught. As if this weren’t enough, they have created the term “hand-linked” to describe the socks unique toes. I’m going to be straight with you, I have no idea what that means. What I do know is that it means there is no seam and they are comfortable as hell (apparently “comfortable as hell with no seam” didn’t get Marketing approval). These sound like awesome socks already, right? The plot thickens.

On one side of each of the socks the argyle pattern is stitched-together (you tell me if this pun was intentional) in a very “Puck-like” (this may be the last Shakespeare reference) fashion with a skull and crossbones. Skull and f*$king crossbones. Yes. Hell yes. I will be the first to admit I’m a little on the darker side, but these socks would be awesome even if the skull and crossbones were replaced with, say, an elephant. These socks are all business on one side and all party on the other which effectively makes them the leg condom equivalent of a mullet. Let’s be honest here people, mullets are awesome. While you can’t have a mullet, you can have awesome socks. Every time you wear them to work it will be like there’s a party in your pants just waiting to escape. Roll up your pant legs a little and let your inner rock star breathe.

Ben (@CobaltInfinity)

I promised you a sneak peek at the next two pairs of socks from Oberon.

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2 responses to “A Midsummer Night’s (Wet) Dream [Oberon Socks]

  1. momentumoffailure

    My friend wanted to open a nightclub called Club Baby Seal.

  2. Pingback: Keeping skulls warm this Fall: The Brixton Ruffian « the momentum of failure

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