Pirates didn’t just drink rum, right? I am okay with box wine this Saturday, I hope.

pirateAvast! Saturday, September 19th is National Talk Like a Pirate Day. Who in the hell comes up with these things? Not the day itself, but the arbitrary dates. “Okay guys. We have to set the date for National Peel Your Banana Backwards and Blindfolded Day. Whatchu got?” “Um, hmmmm. Well, February has always seemed banana-y to me.” “Good call, Frank. Month, good! Day?” *Blank stare* “Uh, the 29th?” “Gold! Wait, what? You’re fired.” Imagine getting canned from Arbitrary Naming of Days Inc. I guess that’s the bottom.

wineBut really, if it’s that random, then I am going to officially declare October 28th National Box Wine Day. Let it be known throughout the land. No bottles on that day. I will smash every bottle of wine if you dare bring any to my party. By the way, I am going to have a party. And you’re invited. Bring wine.

Will (@MomentumFailure)


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