Tuesdays with the Pretty Girls: Why the douchebag?

If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick.

“Nice guys finish last,” is the old adage, yeah? While it certainly seems like the only way for some gents, it still begs the question, why? This week, the Pretty Girls answer an age-old quandary.

Q: “What is the attraction to men who are by all rights, completely self-absorbed, narcissistic jerks? If other men can see what a douchebag the guy is, why do women persist in dating them?”

Tough question and I can't say I have the answer. It may be rooted in traits women are all attracted to (confidence, success, intelligence), but not recognizing when those traits are warped. Arrogance can be misperceived as confidence, narcissism as success. Some females are driven by thrill of the chase just as much as men. For them it's a competition; winning his attention from the rest of the pack (or from himself). If he's vain and self-absorbed, that feat is more of a challenge and therefore, more prized. What's most common, I think, is women dating jerks because they don't think they deserve better, which of course, they do. Most girls go through a stage of being attracted to this type of guy, and it generally passes with maturity, or unfortunately, after being hurt.

I am guilty of being attracted to these type of men. I fall for them because they usually seem different from any other guy I've ever dated. They do all the right things, say all the right things, to make it seem like they're amazing. I continue to date these douchebags because I, like every other woman, think I can change them. Boy, was I wrong. As I've gotten older and a little wiser, I've learned you can't change them. So, instead, I just weed them out quicker and won't put up what they're dishing out.

Men who are 'self absorbed, narcissistic jerks' are also usually 'assertive, confident, attractive jerks.' These are the three keys that generally make men appealing. I mean, look at all the terrible, tyrannical world leaders in history. Why were they popular? Because they were charismatic. Same theory, different scenario. So, to all the "nice guys" out there: stand up straight, smile, and wax your unibrow.

Wait, is the jerk good looking? If so, then that's the sole reason... and he's good in bed. Women who are attracted to jerks wrongfully perceive them as "exciting" and mistake their narcissism for confidence. Otherwise, any woman who knows her self-worth wouldn't stay with a douchebag unless she's just in it for a no strings attached good time. Bottom line, women pursue the jerk for instant gratification but not for a long-term relationship.

Hahaha! There's no attraction.

Honestly, I have been the victim of this curse. We are complitely clear of the fact that this guy is a complete jerk but he is drop dead gorgeous (a common attribute of assholes) and makes our knees weak. It just becomes that much more tempting when you know that you shouldnt go there. We are all driven by curiousity. In the end it comes down to wanting what we can't have, well more like what we tell ourselves we shouldn't. No matter what girls say, we want a bad boy, it would help if he was also a nice guy but I am yet to meet this oxymoron.

Well, there you have it. Sounds like us gents need to separate themselves from the rest of the flock but not turn into some arrogant a-hole when you know you’ve got the girl. Confidence is key, but treading the other side of that line is what you need to be careful of. That, and a good uni-brow wax…


7 responses to “Tuesdays with the Pretty Girls: Why the douchebag?

  1. How many times have you seen a hot girl with some doofus and thought “She could do better”? Douchebags prevent their prey from thinking this by constantly telling them how much better they are, and how worthless the girl is. Mix in a few moments of attention, like winning $5 on a slot machine every 20 pulls or so, and you have the douchebag formula for success.

  2. Man…..this is a classic post. I need 2 print this one out.


  3. Alright, alright. I will buy the smoke and mirrors theory of mistaking arrogance for confidence to a certain extent. But to believe that justifies dating a guy who should be beaten to death with his own oversized sense of self-worth belies the mistakes made and the question at hand. Further, because something is verboten, i.e. looked down upon by those that usually have a good perspective on your respective lives, it makes dating a total douchenozzle more alluring? Godspeed, I suppose. Finally, is Nicole saying she would date Hitler?

  4. OK, first off, Wayne’s World is my faaavorite movie, so I’m happy to see that image here 🙂
    Second, I think the ladies hit it right on! Fine line between confidence and douchebaggery. And once you get comfortable with someone, that line becomes blurrier and blurrier.

    • momentumoffailure

      Personally, I’m at the “getting my foot in the door” flux. That trumps any “Why do they choose the douche” question.

  5. To play devil’s advocate…

    Perhaps what you need– isn’t always the better looking choice…

    If and when it comes down to it.. does that mean you settle for looks over scruples?

    I don’t think the argument goes as far as who the better person is, in the end its all about the package. IF the guy is a 10 with a 3 personality, that averages around 5.. and sometimes that’s good enough– I’ll buy the tickets for that divorce.

    Often and sometimes; nice guys are only nice because they are bad boys looking to get behind the iron curtain.

    In the end.. nice guys still finish last or maybe sloppy seconds after the bad buys are done running the show with smoke and mirrors.

    Awesome insight and honest thoughts however

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