If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick.
“Nice guys finish last,” is the old adage, yeah? While it certainly seems like the only way for some gents, it still begs the question, why? This week, the Pretty Girls answer an age-old quandary.
Q: “What is the attraction to men who are by all rights, completely self-absorbed, narcissistic jerks? If other men can see what a douchebag the guy is, why do women persist in dating them?”
Tough question and I can't say I have the answer. It may be rooted in traits women are all attracted to (confidence, success, intelligence), but not recognizing when those traits are warped. Arrogance can be misperceived as confidence, narcissism as success. Some females are driven by thrill of the chase just as much as men. For them it's a competition; winning his attention from the rest of the pack (or from himself). If he's vain and self-absorbed, that feat is more of a challenge and therefore, more prized. What's most common, I think, is women dating jerks because they don't think they deserve better, which of course, they do. Most girls go through a stage of being attracted to this type of guy, and it generally passes with maturity, or unfortunately, after being hurt.
I am guilty of being attracted to these type of men. I fall for them because they usually seem different from any other guy I've ever dated. They do all the right things, say all the right things, to make it seem like they're amazing. I continue to date these douchebags because I, like every other woman, think I can change them. Boy, was I wrong. As I've gotten older and a little wiser, I've learned you can't change them. So, instead, I just weed them out quicker and won't put up what they're dishing out.
Men who are 'self absorbed, narcissistic jerks' are also usually 'assertive, confident, attractive jerks.' These are the three keys that generally make men appealing. I mean, look at all the terrible, tyrannical world leaders in history. Why were they popular? Because they were charismatic. Same theory, different scenario. So, to all the "nice guys" out there: stand up straight, smile, and wax your unibrow.
Wait, is the jerk good looking? If so, then that's the sole reason... and he's good in bed. Women who are attracted to jerks wrongfully perceive them as "exciting" and mistake their narcissism for confidence. Otherwise, any woman who knows her self-worth wouldn't stay with a douchebag unless she's just in it for a no strings attached good time. Bottom line, women pursue the jerk for instant gratification but not for a long-term relationship.
Hahaha! There's no attraction.
Honestly, I have been the victim of this curse. We are complitely clear of the fact that this guy is a complete jerk but he is drop dead gorgeous (a common attribute of assholes) and makes our knees weak. It just becomes that much more tempting when you know that you shouldnt go there. We are all driven by curiousity. In the end it comes down to wanting what we can't have, well more like what we tell ourselves we shouldn't. No matter what girls say, we want a bad boy, it would help if he was also a nice guy but I am yet to meet this oxymoron.
Well, there you have it. Sounds like us gents need to separate themselves from the rest of the flock but not turn into some arrogant a-hole when you know you’ve got the girl. Confidence is key, but treading the other side of that line is what you need to be careful of. That, and a good uni-brow wax…